S.O.S. Men

WHY MEN WILL NEVER BE HEALTHY AS LONG AS PATRIARCHY EXISTS

Men and women have vastly different experiences on dating apps. It’s generally not a great experience for anyone, but based on first-hand reports from women I know, it’s notably worse for them. Take the following comment from a man that a friend recently shared with me right after they matched: “You're so gorgeous you could shit in my mouth and I wouldn't even care 😂 Kidding, you're really gorgeous though.”

I was like, “What the actual fuck?!” I know scat play is a thing and I won’t judge consenting adults for their kinks, but still, how is this the first thing someone types by way of an introduction? Why would they think that was ok or be received as a compliment? Given decades of dealing with men, her response (to me, not to him—she not surprisingly didn’t respond to him) was less shock, more ironic concern: “Ogun, are straight men okay?”

I don’t think so.

June is the perfect time to discuss this. It’s Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month. When I say “men” these days, I usually mean all those who identify as men regardless of sexual orientation or gender assigned at birth. Most of what I’ll address here applies to the full spectrum of men, but let’s be honest: it’s cis-het men who are struggling the most and doing the worst kinds of damage to themselves and others along the way. It’s also no coincidence that they are the standard bearers for cultural and systemic patriarchy. We can’t talk enough about how these are connected.